


Plagued

by UninhibitedImagination



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5778490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninhibitedImagination/pseuds/UninhibitedImagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is plagued by the memories of her actions, by the guilt of killing innocents; she needs answers, she needs to find a way to forgive herself, and she believes there is only one person who may be able to help. The question is can Clarke resist killing her long enough to get the answers she desperately needs.</p><p>(Starts after the attack on the mountain. We have three months of story time to play with. Hope to then incorporate the current storyline into this story.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

There stood their last barricade, the impenetrable steel door, with its locks blasted open, waiting to be peeled back. As the smell of gun powder, blood, and death invade her senses, Lexa knew she needed to end the barrage of bullets, she needed to give Clarke and her forces an opportunity to open the door, to free their people. Leaving Clarke with the more than capable Lincoln, Lexa gathered her small force and began the climb up the mountain.  
Shrouded in darkness, cloaked by the swaying trees, her force quickly ascended the mountain side. She was deafened by the sound of bullets firing from the barrels of the Mountain Men’s guns, and yet she continued to climb closer to what seemed to be an inevitable death. With each step the reality of her shortening life sunk in a little more, it made no difference, as the Commander her duty was to her people. She survived the attack on Ton DC, knowingly sacrificing hundreds of her people, so she could lead the attack on the mountain. Her people died to secure the freedom of the hundreds held captive in the mountain, their deaths must not be in vain, the treachery of the Mountain Men must be stopped.  
While determined and focused on the survival of her people, she could not ignore the knot in her stomach, growing each minute and tugging at her heart, she needed to stop the plethora of gun fire before a stray bullet found Clarke to be its target. The bursts of fire and random trajectory told her the Mountain Men were mostly firing into the darkness, hoping to hit the space between the door and the Grounder army. They fired with the sole purpose of preventing the door from opening, Lexa knew they would eventually become desperate and would fire in every direction with the slightest hope of crippling the marauding forces. Her head demanded she free her people, her heart demanded she protect Clarke.  
Her blade glinted in the moonlight as she slashed through the tender flesh of a man lying in the bushes. The firing of his weapon ceased as a crimson stain spread like spilled water on the ground. With a quick and firm swing of her arm, Lexa cut through a charging Mountain Man, his blue jumpsuit offering him no protection from the Commander’s sharp blade. A slight warmth invaded Lexa’s face, instantly becoming frighteningly cool, her mouth tainted with the salty taste of blood, two of her men fell beside her, in front of her stood three Mountain Men; yet one of them stood there with no blue suit, he had been cured, which meant Clarke’s people were dying.  
“Well, well, you must be the Commander” Emerson sneered.  
“Free the prisoners inside the mountain, or you will be eliminated.” Lexa responded with confidence and strength.  
“The survival of your people is entirely up to you.” He replied with an unexplainable level of arrogance.  
“You’ve out lived your usefulness,” Lexa spoke calmly as she lifted her blade.  
“You may want to hear me out Commander. We have an offer for you, you sound a retreat and we’ll give you all of your people back, and spare the lives of all of those outside the door.” The smug nature of Emerson’s offer, nauseated Lexa, there had to be a catch.  
“And what of the Sky People?” Lexa needed to know the catch.  
“They are not of your concern. Call your retreat and your people are free.” He knew with such certainty how she would respond.  
“My loyalty will not be swayed. We already have access to your fortress, we will pull the door open and we will slaughter all of your soldiers and anyone else who resists us.” Lexa’s attempted counter was flat, she knew she would take the deal, her duty was to her people, no one else.  
“You think you have the upper hand, what you do not know is I have several snipers fixed on, what I like to call, critical targets, our former Reaper, and the leader of the Sky People, Clarke. Both will be eliminated immediately, if you do not accept this offer.”  
Lexa’s heart raced, this man was now threatening Clarke, she had no choice but to accept the offer, she needed to free her people, she needed to protect Clarke, this is the only option that allowed her to accomplish both. The sound of the loading rifle snapped her from her thoughts. “Wait.” The single word was all she could manage.  
“So Commander, do we have an agreement?” Emerson’s ego had become even more unpalatable.  
“I sound the retreat, you free my people and remove the sitting snipers. Is there anything else?” Lexa spoke through gritted teeth, she wished nothing more than to slice the throat of this villainous feign.  
“When you surround your retreat, all of your people must leave the mountain and never return, my snipers will stay positioned on the Sky People until all of your people have left. You will have mere minutes to complete your evacuation of the mountain before my men start dropping Sky People.” Emerson was unwavering in his dialect. He stared sternly at Lexa, there was no question in what he was saying, leave the mountain or Clarke dies.  
Lexa’s dissent down the mountain was sluggish and agonizing. Covered in the blood of her people, in the blood of the enemy and knowing she was walking towards the moment when she would devastate Clarke. She went through the situation in her mind a thousand times over, but when she approached and saw Clarke’s hopeful face, her mind went blank, her heart sunk, and all that was left were the cold words every Commander knows by heart.  
There was no prolonged goodbye, no offering of an explanation, nothing but commands. For a moment, she glinted from her leadership coma when Lincoln tried to stay. He could not stay, if he stayed Clarke would die.  
“Take him” she ordered without hesitation.  
The night air was cold, the stare in Clarke’s was eyes even colder. She had no other choice, and she had no time to explain this to Clarke. She could only hope that one day Clarke would understand.  
“I made this decision with my head Clarke not my heart. May we meet again”


	2. Chapter One -- Knowing I Know Nothing

For seventeen years, life on the Ark had been a life of privilege and notable comfort. Clarke noticed the tribulations of others, she had witnessed the class based society on the Ark, but she had never suffered from it. Her days were routine, like all other citizens of the Ark, breakfast at seven, classes began at eight, lunch at noon, back to class until four, free time until dinner at six. There was no variety, there were no adventures, the only excitement in her life was a rousing card game or the occasional celebratory event. She never experienced the loss of a family member to the dreaded floating process nor had any of her friends. Life of a council member’s daughter was free of the rumored tragedies suffered by several of the Ark’s citizens.  
While Clarke had witnessed citizens burdened with unpleasant situations, she knew this was the process and that it was critical for the survival of the Ark for everyone to mind their place and live according to the often unforgiving laws. When she heard of a scheduled floating, she believed as most others, that the floating was justified, a law had been broken and this was the penalty for the violation. She knew not to ask questions; she knew the council would only act in the best interest of its citizenry. She knew all of these things up until the day the council floated her father. It was from that day on she became plagued with knowing she knew nothing.  
Dad floated by his best friend, drugged by her mother, and sent to the questionably survivable Earth, with one-hundred others, by the council appointed to protect them. Everything she once knew was shaken and irrelevant.  
The Earth was survivable, there were survivors when there were supposed to be none, those who survived while exposed and those who survived by living below the tainted lands. The Grounders were ruthless murderers and then they were allies, Mountain Weather began as protectors and then became the immediate enemy, Reapers were mindless cannibalistic maniacs incapable of moral thought and yet Lincoln escaped the Reaper grasp through his love for Octavia. Finn was a loyal peacemaking man who ruthlessly slaughtered innocent people. Lexa was a powerful ally, a friend maybe more who betrayed their alliance and abandoned Clarke. From the moment her father was floated, everything that followed was contrary to what she thought.  
Without a second thought, Clarke turned from her people at Camp Jaha, leaving to search for answers. She could no longer rely on what she thought she knew, there was only one way to receive answers, she needed to seek the source and choke them out of her.  
Clarke started her journey not knowing where she was going, how long it was going to take, or how it would end. For once she was thankful to not have assumptions of knowledge clouding her judgement.


	3. What Now?

As the wind whipped through the trees, Clarke’s mind wandered over the happenings of the last few weeks. Like a pebble tossed into a pond, the events in her life rippled outward reaching beyond her line of sight. She was painfully aware how the simple action of removing her tracking device had rippled into mass confusion. Three hundred lives were lost on the Ark because people thought she was dead, thought the ground was not survivable. Bellamy may have destroyed the radio preventing them from communicating with the Ark sooner, but she was the reason they had lost faith. Three hundred lives lost on the Ark, three hundred lives she took.  
If she had continued to pursue thoughts and actions of peace, stayed aligned with Finn’s thinking, rather than falling in line with Bellamy’s thoughts of speculation and aggressive actions maybe then peace with the Grounders could have occurred. Instead her actions rippled into her incinerating three hundred Grounder soldiers. Another three hundred lives lost, more lives to her total, her actions had led to the death of six hundred.   
Her actions and the results of those actions swayed Finn from his optimistic viewpoint, his outlook on the Grounders became tainted and untrusting. His changed outlook drove him to violence when he could not find his people, especially when Clarke was nowhere to be found. He slaughtered innocent habitants of a village, eighteen lives lost, she had drove him to those actions. Those lives were on her. His actions, her guilt. He was sentenced to death, she was the executioner, another life lost at her hands.  
Worst of all was the death of the innocents in Mountain Weather. Another three hundred lives lost, her decisions, her actions had led to more than nine hundred lives lost, how many more would die because of her.   
Leaves crunched beneath her boots, the air was crisp as the sun began to set, fall had arrived and winter lurked around the corner. With night quickly approaching Clarke changed her direction, heading now towards the drop ship. One more night in an area she knew and then she would set her direction east, walking towards the unknown. Her thoughtless walking was interrupted as she tripped forward, her hands catching her fall, inches from her face hitting the ground. She looked around to find the source of her fall, there at her feet laid a charred spear.   
Clarke returned to her feet, brushed the ash from her hands and continued to walk through her former home, which now remained as a mass grave. This was not the only mass grave she would leave behind. The cemented walls of Mount Weather now stood as a mass tomb, housing the bodies of hundreds, those who sought to end her life and those who were truly innocent. She had chosen to kill the guilty and the innocent. Her duty was to her people, she had to eliminate those in Mount Weather to save them. She had no other choice; there was no way to safeguard the innocent from the guilty. She couldn’t walk away and let her people die. Mentally and physically exhausted she fumbled her way inside the drop ship, she hoped sleep would come quickly.  
She climbed the ladder to the upper most level, she longed to be back in space, away from the decisions she had made, away from the death she was surrounded by, perhaps being floated wasn’t the worst of fates. Perhaps living with a guilty conscious was a far worse fate. She mindlessly searched the drop ship, gathering forgotten supplies, a pack, make shift bedding, some dried berries and herbs. She loaded the pack with the supplies she would need for her journey to Polis. There was only one person who could understand what she had done, and there was only one person who betrayed her so grievously. She needed answers and Lexa had them.   
Her thoughts of Lexa overwhelmed her with feelings of sorrow, anger, and heartbreak. Clarke made a makeshift bed, she looked forward to a thoughtless sleep. Within minutes of lying her head down Clarke drifted into a soundless sleep. Her body and mind were exhausted, for weeks she had carried the weight of her people on her shoulders, today she left them and the burden of protecting them. For the first time, since coming to the ground, Clarke’s sleep came without worry of what would happen to her people in the morning. Her dreams were not of her people or the fear and concerns she had for them; instead her dreams were filled with the irradiated faces of the innocents she had killed.   
In reality, the dining hall of Mount Weather was quite small, a modest room, in her dreams it was an endless hall of bodies. Bodies of children, of men and women who had offered them help. Clarke looked towards the end of the seemingly endless room, and could see a faint and unusual light. She hoped this was a way out, an escape from the horrendous things she has been forced to do. Forced by the loyalty to her people. The unusual light was exuding from the bottom of an old oak door.   
Clarke reached for the door and pushed it open, once again she was in the dining hall; however, this time the dining hall was filled with people laughing, joking, and playing. A father played soccer with his young son, while a mother braided her daughter’s hair. A group of teenage boys sat at a table telling embarrassing stories about one another to a group of girls at the next table. The room was filled with lively conversations, smiles; carefree innocent people. Clarke’s attention was captured by a small circular table tucked in the corner of the room.   
The lighting around the table was a bit dimer, she could see people were sitting around the table, leaving a single chair empty. As she looked around the room she realized there were no doors to lead her out, there were no other seats open. In ghostly synchronization, everyone in the room stopped what they were doing to watch her. She walked toward the darkened table, watching those around her as she went, eyes remained trained on her. When she reached the table she saw familiar faces; Maya, Cage, Bellamy, Lexa, and her mom. Each sat in silence waiting for her to join them.   
“Welcome Clarke” Cage greeted her, the sound of his voice made bile rise in her throat.   
She despised this man, but he’s dead, Lincoln had explained in vague yet completely telling detail on how he had killed Cage. As Cage spoke, all others offered her patient and calming smiles. Her eyes locked with Lexa’s, she felt her heart jolt in excitement, she could not understand why she felt so strongly for Lexa, but she did, there was something dangerously alluring about the Commander.  
“Clarke Griffin, you and the Commander have come here today to take your people from me. You two have devised a plan, executed portions of it, and intend to take all of your people, the key’s to my people’s survival.” Cage continued his speech of the obvious, Clarke couldn’t care less what he was saying.  
Her eyes were fixed on Lexa’s, she longed to touch her lean body, to feel her heart race as her hand traversed her chest. Clarke’s focus on Lexa broke when Cage cleared his throat.  
“Your people Clarke, offer to my people a cure, they offer us release from the mountain. Commander your people provide a temporary fix for our aliments, but no temporary fix is needed when a cure exists. To support your efforts to retrieve your people, you both brought forces. Commander your force is strong, determined, and plentiful. Clarke your force is feeble and obsessed with selfish preservation over loyalty to your people.”  
Clarke was starting to put together Cage’s statements, she knew he was going to offer Lexa the one thing she couldn’t say no to, he was going to make Lexa abandon her. Clarke searched for Lexa’s eyes but she couldn’t find her, she was no longer at the table, she was no longer in the room, she had taken Cage’s deal and left Clarke and her people to die. She had betrayed her, her heart lurched in her chest, the woman she was falling for had left her with an unbearable decision.   
“Clarke, your people will die, all of us will be cured, your mother will be the first and you will be the last.”  
Cage detailed his plan to Clarke in excruciating detail. She felt like she was going to be sick, she had to escape. She stood from the table, her chair made a loud scrapping sound before crashing to the floor. She felt panicked, her heart raced, what was she to do. Her mother began to scream in pain as a man began to drill into her leg. The sound of the drill echoed in her ears, the sound of her mother’s screams were deafening. Where had this man come from, why was this happening. Bellamy stood and walked around the table, he had a lever in his hands.  
“Clarke, we don’t have to die, we can stop them, you just need to pull this lever.”  
She knew what the lever would do, she knew the consequences. She looked around the room, everyone was transfixed on her, the little boy with the soccer ball was being held tightly by his father, tears streamed down the cheeks of the mother and daughter, the daughter’s hair only partially braided. Where was Lexa, she would know what to do. How could she leave Clarke like this? Clarke looked back at the table, Cage smiled, he knew she couldn’t pull the lever, she couldn’t do it when she first arrived in the mountain and she couldn’t do it now. She had killed warriors before not innocents, not children. Clarke scanned the faces, her gaze found Maya, sweet and innocent Maya. Maya did not deserve to die, she had helped them all, she had lost her father to save Clarke’s people. Maya was the epitome of doing the right thing, but Clarke had no other choice, this lever was the only choice. She had to save her people.  
With tears in her eyes Clarke looked to Bellamy “together,” with little force Clarke caused the death of every person in the room. Bellamy said together, but Clarke knew she’d pull the lever without him, and she knew if she had told him not to pull it, he would’ve listened. There was no shared responsibility, Bellamy could not provide her forgiveness, her actions had not harmed him, had not harmed his people, he could not provide forgiveness.  
Clarke looked over to Maya, she sat slumped in her chair, her skin burned, red, and raw. Every person in the room resembled Maya, the little boys’ soccer ball rolled across the room as his arm lay stretched out to his side, his body lying limply on his father’s limp body. He was no older than seven, he had so much life left to live and she had stolen it from him. The bile continued to rise in her throat, she looked for Cage. She wanted to see that at least he had suffered but he was gone, the only people she could see were the lifeless bodies of the innocents. Maya’s dead eyes stared at her, Clarke was going to be sick.   
She awoke suddenly, choking and coughing, vomit filled her throat. She rolled over and began to heave as tears streamed down her face. Her body shook violently, every sound seemed to amplify and yet she felt like she could hear nothing. She had killed hundreds of innocents to save less than fifty. She had become no better than the men who floated her father. Clarke knew no more sleep would come, nor did she want to risk the images that would haunt her dreams.  
She gathered her bedding materials and stuffed them into her pack. She poured some water into her hands and rinsed her face and mouth. She took a deep breath, slung her pack onto her back, and climbed down the ladder. As she stepped out of the drop ship she could see the sun peaking up over the mountain, she’d slept longer than expected. Her body ached, her mind raced, and she had no idea what direction to start walking. The air smelt fresh and clean, she wondered what would cause the air to smell this refreshing. She took a deep breath of the cool air and felt slightly invigorated. She decided to travel to Ton DC, perhaps there she’d find the way to Polis.  
She shifted her pack into a comfortable position and began to walk. As she walked beyond the crafted fence that acted as a boundary to the drop ship she thought she saw a figure in the trees.   
“Bellamy go back to Camp Jaha, I’m going where I need to, I don’t need you to follow.”  
She was sure he would respond, but no response came. She took a few more steps watching the woods around her, and saw nothing. For a moment she panicked, expecting to be attacked at any moment, and then she realized there was no one left to attack her, she had either killed them or they had retreated. With renewed confidence she continued to walk towards Ton DC.  
In a tree above her a Grounder signaled to another, indicating the target was on the move and heading east.


	4. Fire and Ice

“Indra, any news?” Lexa needed an update, she needed to know if Clarke was safe.

“No Commander, but the first scout is not expected to return until tomorrow morning.” Indra knew her place, she knew her responsibility was to provide the Commander with the answers she requested. Her job was not to question the Commander, even if she was concerned as to why she cared about the safety of the Skaikru. Indra worried she had another Lincoln on her hands, another who would choose the Skaikru over their people. Indra never questioned the Commander’s loyalty, she knew her loyalty was firmly rooted with her people, her willingness to take the Mountain Men’s deal revealed as much. What Indra wondered was where did the Commander’s heart lie? She knew she wouldn’t risk the lives of her people, but what about her own life? Was she willing to give her life for the Skaikru, for Clarke? She had watched Lincoln have a similar struggle and in the end he chose to go where his heart demanded. Could the same happen with her Commander?

The skies darkened from hues of pink and orange, to vibrant shades a deep blues and greys. Lexa knew Indra was right, there would be no news until the morning. Deciding a night’s rest may bring her comfort and her body the rest it needed, Lexa left the rooftop of the building overlooking Polis. She stepped into her quarters observing the subtle opulence she was entitled to as the Commander. Lexa laid in her bed, the warmth of her blankets welcomed her into a deep sleep.

A loud clap of thunder shook the room; a storm was approaching. Lexa fought against her blankets, she stirred, was Indra beckoning her. 

“Indra, is that you? What is it?” Lexa kicked against the confining material struggling to free herself. 

“Commander, the scout has arrived and he’s not alone.” Indra pointed in the distance. Lightning struck, momentarily brightening Polis as if it were the middle of the day. There was no mistaking the brief sight of blonde hair; Clarke had arrived. Lexa’s palms sweat, she could feel her face flush with heat. Now was the moment she would face Clarke for the first time since she left her at the Mountain. Lexa felt as if she were suffocating, she descended the stairs of the tower as fast as she dared, she felt as if she was floating, everything about this point felt too surreal. 

Clarke stood resolutely, staring with disgust at the Polis tower. Lexa could not bear the look on her face, she feared the look had more to do with her presence than Clarke’s feelings about Polis. The approaching storm threatened their safety as lightning struck a tree in the distance setting fire to it. Rain began to pour, Lexa felt the icy cold rain soak through her clothing, resulting in shivers traveling her spine, and yet Clarke stood there seemingly unaffected by the chill of the rain. 

“Clarke, please come with me inside, the storm, it’s not safe to stay out here.” The logic Lexa offered did not change Clarke’s demeanor, she continued to stand, with only an expression of disgust. Lexa cautiously walked closer to Clarke, she was close enough she could reach out and touch her, yet she felt miles away. “Clarke, come.” 

“You left, my people died, why should I come with you, why should I trust I would be safe?” Clarke’s monotone response was emotionless, a ghostly repetition of words. The storm raged on, moving closer to their location the rain turned to hail, pelting violently against the earth. 

Lexa knew there would be consequences for her actions. She knew Clarke would be profoundly hurt by Lexa’s departure. She knew Clarke’s people would die and she knew Clarke would hold her accountable. She hoped Clarke would come to understand why she made the decision to leave the mountain, why she had to accept the guarantee of her people leaving over the risk of losing any more to save people who were not hers. 

Hail burst from the storm clouds above, a large piece of ice sliced across Clarke’s face, she offered no reaction, her stare stood fast on Lexa’s eyes. “Clarke you’re bleeding we need to get out of this storm it’s not safe.” Lexa near pleaded with Clarke to follow her inside. 

“You weren’t concerned with my safety when you left me on that mountain, why does it matter now.” The truth of Clarke’s words stole the breath from Lexa’s lungs, she knew Clarke spoke the truth and she had no response. “Clarke, your safety matters to me, and it mattered to me on the mountain. If I had not left, you would have been executed by the Mountain men. They had a shooter trained on you, they would have killed you. Part of the agreement of us walking away was that the mountain would spare your life. You mattered to me, please come now.” 

Before Clarke could respond Lexa motioned to her guards to bring Clarke in. “I’m sorry it has to be this way Clarke, but if you will not come, I will have you bought in, it is no longer safe.” A resonating clap of thunder drowned out Lexa’s words. Clarke acquiesced to Lexa’s demand, she shrugged off the guards and proceeded to walk in the direction Lexa had indicated. Lexa allowed Clarke to walk ahead, deciding it was best to keep a safe distance. 

Lexa watched as Clarke ascended the stairs, shamelessly taking pleasure in the view. “Clarke please allow my healer to treat your cut.” Lexa pointed down a long corridor, Clarke made no objection, silently turning down the corridor following Lexa, with Lexa’s guards walking behind her. The healer examined the cut and applied an herb concoction to the wound. No words were exchanged, the healer worked without question, Clarke allowed herself to be treated without objection, and Lexa observed without comment. With an acknowledging nod the healer indicated to Lexa that he had finished and they could be on their way. Lexa led Clarke from the room and back to the seemingly endless stairway. Lexa had climbed these stair hundreds of times and yet in this moment it felt as though they would never end.  
When they finally reached the floor of Lexa’s quarters she signaled to her guards to remain where they were. “Clarke, follow me. You need sleep.” She kept her words short and conclusory, she wanted no more arguments. As if conceding defeat, rather to Lexa or her apparent exhaustion, Clarke followed Lexa without hesitation. 

Lexa had envisioned how her first encounter with Clarke would be, she knew there would be anger, rage, and blame. She thought she’d see fire in Clarke’s eyes, and feel the icy chill of her words. But the reality of this encounter was unbelievable, Clarke was a ghostly form of the person Lexa knew her to be. Her passion was dormant, her charisma lacking; Lexa didn’t know what happened at the mountain, but she did know whatever had happened had forever changed Clarke.

 

Lexa sat across the room as Clarke rested peacefully in the bed. She couldn’t help but stare at the beauty Clarke possessed. When she had first interacted with Clarke she found her to be weak, controlled by her emotions, now she realized that it took incredible strength to acknowledge her emotions and still take actions, to try to save people who were doomed from the beginning. Lexa admired Clarke because she possessed qualities of not only a great leader but also of a gentle heart. She was loyal and kind with unwavering determination. As Lexa sat watching, she noticed Clarke had begun to shake, kicking angrily against the covers. It appeared as if Clarke was fighting in her sleep. When Clarke whimpered a softened cry, Lexa approached her cautiously. 

Though many, if not all, people viewed Lexa as a strong and closed off person she knew she had one weakness, and she was lying in front of her. She gently lowered herself next to Clarke and gingerly brushed her hand across Clarke’s shoulder. Lexa wanted Clarke to know she was there for her, but she did not want to startle her, she did not want to add to the troubles that were already consuming Clarke’s mind. Clarke stirred from her sleep, and with a soft touch Lexa swept the hair from her eyes. Clarke’s eyes were red and puffy, yet the richness of her blue eyes pierced through. Lexa was reminded of the sky when she stared into those intense blue eyes, which she found fitting. 

“Clarke, I’m glad you came.” She was still unsure of how Clarke felt about her in and about being in Polis. 

“I had nowhere else to go. You are the only person I could think of, so I came here.” It was not exactly a warm response but it was no knife to the throat. Lexa continued to mindlessly brush her fingers over Clarke’s soft skin.

“I didn’t want to leave you. He said he’d kill all of my people in the mountain if I didn’t.” Clarke cut Lexa’s words short, “So you left, allowing him to kill all of mine.” Her words were sharp and more painful than any blade Lexa had carried. 

“Clarke, please listen. They were going to kill all of my people in the mountain, hundreds of people. They were going to kill Lincoln and they were going to kill you, I could not allow that to happen and the only way I could stop it was to leave that mountain and hope you would do the same.”

“They took my people and there was nothing else I could do. They all died and I just stood there. I needed you and you weren’t there.” Clarke’s words dripped with anger and blame, Lexa’s heart ached to hear these words. She knew the attack on the mountain was only achievable with her force. She knew that it was Clarke’s support, energy, and enthusiasm that developed the plan, that made an attack on the mountain an idea her people, all twelve tribes, were willing to support. Without a doubt Clarke had helped her unite the tribes, had helped her save her people, and when Clarke needed her, she left. 

“Clarke, you’re right and I’m sorry that it had to be that way. I’m sorry that I left you. I could have renounced my claim as the commander and stayed to fight with you, but I couldn’t ask my people to make the same sacrifice. A common goal created our alliance, but when our goals were no longer common I could not command my people to keep fighting for a cause that was no longer theirs. We did not break the alliance; we did not stop you or fight against you. My people’s future required them to walk away. But I, I could have stayed, I could have abandoned my people and stayed to fight with you. I made the decision for my people, and with the hope of keeping you alive. I asked you what you wanted after the battle with the mountain. You told me you were too focused on the battle, too focused on that day to think about anything else. Now I ask you again, what is it that you want? The battle with the mountain is over, you’re safe, you’re here, what’s next?”

Lexa watched Clarke’s eyes stare at her, she felt exposed as if Clarke could see every emotion and feeling she had. Lexa’s heart pounded, she could feel her chest tightening waiting for Clarke’s response. She needed Clarke to choose her, she needed Clarke. The storm had centered of Polis, the wind howled, lightning lit the skies, and thunder shook the tower. Lexa jumped as a particular loud clap of thunder hit, once again Clarke made no reaction to the storm, she remained eerily focused on Lexa.

Clarke’s expression softened, “I know you made the only choice you had Lexa, I just wish there had been another way. I don’t know what I want for my future, what I want for tomorrow, I’ve not really had the chance to think of what I want since I was sent to the Earth to die.” Lexa felt her stomach sink at Clarke’s response, all she wanted was for Clarke to want her back. Lexa could not help but let her head sink ever so slightly in disappointment. 

Clarke reached out and lifted Lexa’s chin and gently pressed her lips against Lexa’s. It was a soft kiss, a kiss that exuded care and compassion. Clarke softly pulled at Lexa’s lower lip ending the unexpected kiss. She adjusted her body, kneeling on the bed, she took Lexa’s hands in hers, “I may not know about the future, who knows what will happen, a meteor could hit us tomorrow. But today, right now, all I want is you.” She allowed her jacket to slip to the floor and began to remove Lexa’s sword, her hands were skilled, with a quick tug the belt relaxed and the sword fell to the floor beside the bed. 

Lexa was puzzled by Clarke’s actions, her mood seemed to change instantaneously, was this really happening, was she truly getting what she so desperately wanted. She fumbled with removing her shoulder guard, never had she experienced such trouble. Clarke covered Lexa’s trembling hand with her own, “Allow me.” Lexa dropped her hands and rested them on Clarke’s hips, hoping the trembling would subside. She leaned in and took Clarke’s bottom lip into her mouth. Nothing had ever satisfied her cravings and yet left her feeling completely ravenous before. The soft kiss quickly turned firm and passionate. Lexa could feel her desire, her needs spreading. Her muscles began to tighten and ache with desire, but was Clarke really ready for this?

“Clarke, are you sure? I don’t want you to do something you’re not ready for.” Lexa needed to hear Clarke tell her this was what she wanted.

“Yes, Lexa. I’ve learned tomorrow is not guaranteed, and I don’t want to miss my chance.” Lexa smiled, “Just so you know, I’d wait as long as you needed. Falling for you is the only choice that was never mine to make.”

Lexa lifted Clarke’s shirt over her head, revealing supple breasts. The sight made a pool of warmth spread throughout her. She was mesmerized by Clarke’s body. While Lexa stared, Clarke took advantage, removing Lexa’s top. Lexa grimaced as Clarke’s hand brushed against the several scars and fresh cuts on her shoulder. She hoped Clarke would not judge her for the marks, Clarke leaned over and kissed her shoulder, there was no judgment, only compassion. Lexa broke contact with Clarke and stood, she kept her eyes locked on Clarke’s while she unfastened her pants and slipped them down her legs. She stepped out of the pants and returned to the bed.

Clarke laid back welcoming Lexa and offered her neck. Lexa could not resist the tender exposed skin, her mouth grazed over the soft skin for only a second, it was then that her desire took over, resulting in a largely visible mark remaining. She gently kissed Clarke’s neck working her way towards Clarke’s mouth. She savored the taste of Clarke’s skin. Her lips once again found Clarke’s, she slipped her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth, as a small gasp left her. She could no longer deny herself the taste of the breasts heaving beneath her body. Lexa’s mouth traversed across Clarke’s face, peppering it with gentle kisses. She reached her ear lobe and gave it a soft beckoning bite, with a little suck she left another red mark on Clarke’s body. Clarke leaned her head back exposing even more skin for Lexa’s mouth to taste. Lexa followed the stretched muscle in Clarke’s neck, sucking and nibbling as she went. She let her tongue softly drag across the tender skin as she moved from neck to shoulders to chest, to perfectly rounded breasts. Her mouth engulfed Clarke’s nipple resulting in a considerable arch of her back. Lexa slipped her arm under Clarke and held her tight against her as her mouth and tongue performed a series of acrobatic flips across Clarke’s nipples.

Clarke began to squirm with increasing desire, “please Lexa, I need you inside of me.” The moistened heat between Lexa’s thighs intensified at Clarke’s words. Lexa continued kissing her way down Clarke’s body. She reached the boundary imposed by Clarke’s pants and looked up at blue eyes for permission to continue. “Please” was all Clarke said. Lexa unfastened Clarke’s pants and tenderly slip them off, Clarke’s chest heaved with anticipation, Lexa straddled Clarke’s leg, she was sure Clarke could feel her wetness on her thigh as she slid back up her body. 

Lexa caressed Clarke’s thigh, her fingertips tickled Clarke’s clit, wetness coated her fingers, her desire to be inside Clarke overcame her and with a slight slide she inserted two fingers inside Clarke. Lexa’s fingers entered Clarke with gentle pressure, the sensation made her ache with desire. She lowered her body, she could feel Clarke’s shallowed breaths on her neck. Her thumb made contact with the swollen clit beneath her. She drew soft circles around Clarke’s clit incorporating the occasional flick, as her fingers undulated inside of her. Sharp breaths pressed Clarke’s body against her as quite moans filled her ears. As the moans deepened, Clarke’s back arched off the bed, Lexa wrapped her arm around her, holding her tight as her orgasm released. Only a moment of relaxed silence passed before Clarke locked her leg around Lexa’s, rolling her onto the bed, seamlessly switching their positions. 

Lexa stared longingly into Clarke’s eyes, it was in those eyes she saw her future. Clarke broke eye contact as she moved her mouth to Lexa’s neck. Lexa leaned her head back, exposing her neck, pleading with her body to be satisfied. As if reading her mind, Clarke wandered her hand painfully slow along the curves of Lexa’s body, her touch as soft as a feather. Her hands grazed over Lexa’s protruding hip bones venturing to her aching clit. Clarke’s hand paused over Lexa’s mound, fingers tangling with fine hair, she lowered her mouth and began to taste and tease Lexa’s throbbing clit. As she licked firmly at her entrance, she brought her fingers down and slowly inserted two. Her fingers slid in easy and were greeted with pulsating muscles, heat, and inviting wetness. Her fingers curled, she could feel the muscles throbbing for release. With a firm tongue on Lexa’s clit, and two fingers curling and sliding deep inside her, Clarke quickly brought Lexa to her climax. 

Clarke raised her head and smiled at Lexa. The feeling of release was short lived. Lexa’s sword glistened in the moonlight as blood sprayed across the room. Clarke’s smile faded and her eyes darkened. With a firm boot to her back, Emerson pushed against Clarke’s body as he withdrew Lexa’s sword. Clarke’s lifeless body fell limply on top of Lexa, as Emerson sneered at her. Lexa tried to free herself, she would kill this man with her bare hands. 

“They’ll come for her” was all he said as he disappeared into the darkness.

Lexa continued to struggle to free herself. A loud crack of lightning struck outside the tower, the resonating sound of thunder shook Lexa from her nightmare. Finally freeing herself from the blankets that had entrapped her. She wiped her face, it was soaked with sweat as were her clothes. Her sword remained at her bedside. There was no blood, there was no Clarke. 

She hurried out the door to find Indra standing near an opening in the building staring out at Polis. 

“Indra, any news from the scout.”

“No Commander. But there is word of aggressive movements being reported by the Azgeda.”


End file.
